PREFACE
The thoughts and ponderings found within the following pages are those of a fellow traveler with the hope of contemplating spiritual answers faced by us all. It is possible that the part of me as a trained observer may have invoked the premise, do we come back in future lives, but after that this adventure is pure imagination and fiction.
I Am Angel is a veer from my previous books which are based on social research. The research used for this book were secondary academic articles concerning the inaccuracies of various holy books, sex abuse in churches, Paul the Apostle, and the differential of power in organized religion over the centuries. It also involves the insertion of various simplifications of Buddhism and Hinduism as they pertain to the levels in soul purification necessary throughout incarnations.
In the book I explore the overall scheme of reincarnation and our existence on this planet. Are we indeed, as some believe, part of some celestial tribe that is reborn with us and travels through time with us as helpers and challengers, using specific innate characteristics? Do we exist to assist with or present these eternal problems for another’s soul or divine plan to reach perfection? How intricate is the tapestry of our reincarnation, and how long must we persist in this pursuit of wisdom?
The storyline is thought niggling as I relish in poking and prodding my readers into out of the box thinking. And as the characters are joyful, irritating, good and evil just like in life, the book brings about reflective consideration and demonstrates the overall effect we have on each other, no matter how brief our encounters. It is the bigger picture of ourselves threading a needle shared by all. It is us together, in a collectivist nutshell with destiny as the carrot and our lives the proverbial stick.
E. M. Duesel
I have existed from all eternity, and behold, I am here; and shall exist till the end of time, for my being has no end. ~ Kahlil Gibran
Chapter One
Svarga, the Great Equalizer
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Brilliant streaks of light swirl joyfully to welcome the returning souls from their human existence on earth and each individual soul is bathed in the Creator’s love and is greeted by a world ethereal and serene as if they belong there – which they do; they all do. Bright vibrant colors jet around relishing their existence and swoop among countless lifeforces.
Some return from wretched battles donning torn and fragmented spirits, others from teaching and healing those embattled. They are an element of this exquisite space smelling of fragrant flowers and impregnated with dazzling thoughts swathed in the sensation of peace. Silence has sound in and of itself – restful and easy. Everything is alive and juicy and electric… spitting static – all dancing with purpose. Nothing is good or evil and each resonance, smell, light refraction, and soul is significant and righteous. They are home.
In this perfect place the universe is laboring to do the Creator’s bidding. This day the angels were on the move. Area seven was preparing for a shakeup of reincarnated souls. Some from this tribe returned to heaven from planet earth not too long ago but they were at the end of their life lessons and wanted to return to their designated planet to get it done. They longed to move to the next level of existence where their own personal gifts, given to them at their dukkha by the Creator, would finally and forever be used to strengthen the universal bond of the cosmos. This height of existence is the universe put right, and these souls, in their perfected lifeforce, would forever live in the presence of the Creator and the angels.
“Raziel, are you ready to proceed?” Gabriel’s deep voice echoed. He reigned over the strategy appointments, as well as the Creator’s messaging so that returning beings might have their greatest impact on the evolution of each planet and ultimately the universe. If beings only appreciated the importance of each individual incarnation.
“Yes, brother. I have some concerns about a few of the reincarnates.”
“Hmm… I think I know, but who and why?”
“Well, there are three. Two are from level eight of Naraka, and, for heaven’s purpose, they need to be. If they can learn from this impending life, they can move forward toward their souls’ purification. If not, Narakasura will have them, and his strength will increase, and they will be no more. The other is from level five in Svarga.”
Gabriel sighed and nodded.
Raziel continued. “They are to be born into the same extended family. Two are siblings, and the other a cousin.”
“Who are their parents?”
“Rho and Sigma who are already on earth, are to be parents to Mu and Eta. For balance, Rho is from level five in Svarga, but Sigma is from level four of Naraka. Narakasura, with the approval of the Creator, put them in place to raise the siblings using the given property of greed. Mu and Eta are to be nurtured to please bad influences, but there exposure to their cousin, Tau, may bring them around. These influences are utter and total chaos brought about by their upbringings from the past.”
“And Tau? Who are to be her parents?”
“Beta and Delta. They are also on earth already and on their last incarnation, along with several of Tau’s past fellow incarnates. All have suffered in order to be at this point, and two will suffer again in this new incarnation according to the will of the Creator. With the success of this mission, they will all be elevated to spiritual guides.”
“So, Eta, Mu, and Tau are headed to earth then?” Gabriel asked.
“Yes. According to the wish of the Creator, we have almost achieved the master goal which will unite the people of earth. Mu and Eta’s contributions will bring it to full fruition, oddly by their relationship with those who implement violence and lust. Tau, who offers light and truth, is meant to generate the glorified conclusion.”
“So, what is your concern?”
“This mission is so very important. The endgame must be brilliant. We are here in Svarga, looking down on these earthlings who have manipulated the sacred word of the Creator, transferred to them by Moses and then they ignore the two greatest commandments of Jesus Christ. Sacred instructions on how to live a peaceful and loving existence have been reinterpreted and used by man to control the masses to do what is best suited for their selfishness and greed. Organized religions have become powerful and wealthy beyond measure.”
“Yes, I understand your displeasure with mankind on earth. But we must have faith that it is ending now through the efforts of Tau and others.”
“Tau! Ha!. Tau is a child in every sense of the word. Can she do this, Gabriel? Does she have what is needed to turn the tide of mankind’s greatest sin?”
“I believe you underestimate Tau, Raziel. She has many gifts that the Creator has granted her. Tell me about her new situation.”
“Tau wants to jettison her way into the presence of the Creator sooner than later. I worry that she is growing impatient and will not stay on course. There is something beyond her desire to finish that pushes her which has eluded me, and you know how I hate secrets, but I suspect it has something to do with the angel Turiel. But this is Tau. Everything about her remains a secret until it is out there. Which is a puzzle to me as I am the archangel who knows the secrets of heaven, but do I know Tau’s secrets? Noo… plus, because she just returned a very short time ago, there is the concern that she may retain some memory from her last incarnation. I know that you have faith, but I have seen Tau stray from plans before.”
“What are her properties?”
“Gratitude and purity, with a smattering of joy and tenacity. She was endowed with joy after she finished her fifth incarnation after that disastrous love affair with Turiel. But it truly is silliness more than joy.”
“Is that a problem?” Gabriel smirked at Raziel’s confusion.
“Her properties act as a constant balm of love, and it makes her feel so good all of the time that her spirit forgets her overall purpose. In her last life she became infatuated with rock n’ roll and promoted the music of Elvis Presley. She directed it into an entire music revival and peace movement and detoured her designated outcome. I mean to say… she did accomplish what was needed, but not in the way discussed prior to her birth. She caused other beings to stray from their paths and they dropped out and became less than talented musicians. Some of them never found their way back.”
“Hmm… I see where you might be uneasy, but the Creator has designed their paths to affect other beings, so although it seems incongruous, it all shakes out in the end. Let me remind you of the music written on earth to condemn war during Tau’s last incarnation. It helped to end a most unjust conflict. And although Arlo Guthrie did not become an influential politician as initially planned, the message of his mission was more powerful than what was originally ordained.”
“If you say it, but the free will that the Creator has given to beings is meddlesome.”
Gabriel smiled at Raziel’s irritation. “All is well, Raziel. All is well.”
The archangels were privileged and knew that the way of life for all universal creations had been prearranged using the six levels of learning in Svarga. The Creator utilized each soul to advance the evolution of every planet in the Universe from chaos to peace, each soul from evil to good. It is a massive plan; one that was to last through eternity, and one that touched the growth of every soul. The universal plan was mind-boggling, and the puzzle was not meant to be solved or understood by the Creator’s creatures.
“Is this group the last of the twenty-four partakers for this incarnation?” Gabriel asked.
“Yes, brother. This is it. Tau was the last to return from the previous incarnation for this tribe. Beings range from new births coming up now to parents and grandparents already on earth. The grandparents are scheduled to return with each new birth, which will happen whensoever in our time, but over the next three to five years in earth’s time. From heaven, they will help guide their earthly grandchildren to reach the end.”
Raziel was proud of this one. Its purpose was to shatter the hold an ill-conceived social norm had on a soul’s progression. Somewhere in its development, the human ego replaced enlightened customs with indulgence. The notion that one perception of God is better than another proves nothing and causes conflict, confusion, and violence. Not to mention that the images of the Creator are hedonistic. The Creator is magnificent balms of abounding light energy, not male and not female, but nonbinary in nature. But humans have painted and molded effigies of themselves. Such self-adoration was detestable to Raziel.
When humans practiced their so-called religions it made the angels’ responsibility to humans on earth very difficult. Raziel thought that organized religion was nothing, but a manmade obstruction created to control their societies. The Creator’s love is misconstrued and misused, and the virtue of unconditional acceptance was lost on those who leaned on ego to drive their power over others.
But if everything proceeded as the Creator hoped, it would soon be gone. Many souls would advance to the next level of their incarnations. From the perspective of eternity, this tribe’s lifetime would be over in the blink of the Creator’s proverbial eye.
Meanwhile, the spirit of Tau was anxious to meet with two others with whom she was to interface. She longed for this to be her sixth and last incarnation. But these souls were from the strongest, and most evil level of Naraka and had culminated their hatred for ages. Eta and Mu’s spirits were not availed the advanced characteristics that Tau’s own soul possessed due to her development to goodness. They were unpredictable and less than trustworthy and under the influence of Narakasura the wicked caretaker of Naraka. Worse yet, they had the power to ruin Tau’s attempts to succeed in the Creator’s mission and could consume and destroy Tau as well.
What she did not remember, was that she owed these souls her compassion and assistance. Her memories of their first lives together had been erased. Unknown to Tau, she had been hateful and ruthless towards them. These memories at the right time were to surface by the Creator’s command, and Tau’s plans had the likelihood of changing on a dime.
What she did remember were those early times when her soul struggled to advance. Deplorable acts took place while she lived through her wretchedness in Naraka. Her essence shuddered as she recalled nefarious deeds carried out at her hand as the handmaiden of an Egyptian princess.
Much was owed to the priestess, Sanura, whom she crossed paths with during her very important second incarnation. As a slave to princess Nefertari, she had many advantages and privileges, but Tao was greedy and prepared to take part in a treasonous act against King Ramses III. Sanura, who had befriended Tao, persuaded her to remain faithful to the Pharaoh. Although the Pharaoh was eventually murdered, because of Tao he survived the first murder attempt which kept him alive long enough for her to complete her divine assignment in that lifetime.
An infinitesimal moment in time launched a series of events which changed the direction of belief systems on earth, and the understanding of love as agape. This beautiful concept was practiced for only a brief period and that, too, had its purpose.
A minor communication was preordained and fulfilled Tau’s purpose which moved her on. But, because of her betrayal to her princess and the Pharoah, she endured great suffering for the remainder of that lifetime.
The more glorious outcome was that this small cog in the Creator’s wheel advanced Moses and the ten commandments to his next incarnation as Jesus of Nazareth, where the two greatest commandments elegantly completed the divine purpose of that life. Jesus’s human sacrifice shot his soul’s energy so close to the Creator’s, it blended at times, changing the vibration of human perception. These powerful vibrations linger on the earth, so to many, he became known as the son of God, and is worshipped as such. His great sacrifice shifted Narakasura’s pattern of sin toward goodness for a time, and the Creator loved him for it.
Her agonizing endurance was noticed by the Creator and Tau moved up from Naraka to Svarga, or heaven, with great speed. It was in part because she obeyed the will of the Creator but also for the life she gave up in order to make it happen.
But the working and pruning of the spirit is not without pain or sacrifice. Tau’s next life was spent as an abused woman. The incarnation after her advance to Svarga required her to understand a life lived without beauty. In this life she was used as a servant girl passed from man to man by her father. A plain looking girl with thinning hair and bad skin, her life was not her own, but she had a superb mind. It was not clear if the abuse to her body was more agonizing to her spirit than the inability to use her intellect. Her suffering in this lifetime was long and hard. After it was over, she moved up to the next level.
This is how it is done, and Tau knew that with each life her suffering got her closer to living in the light energy of the Creator. Each lifetime came with lessons; each lesson carved its effect on her spirit and advanced her to the next level.
But her last incarnation is where her spirit would behold its greatest satisfaction. Bravery burned in her soul. Her sense of justice brought her closer and closer to her divine purpose. The ultimate resolution, of which she was unaware, was to present itself in this next life and she had to succeed.
Now, as with the Egyptian priestess, Sanura, it was Tau’s turn to direct the tides for Eta and Mu and this was her first full remembered encounter with them after a long hiatus. Her recollection was muddled, but she knew somewhere deep in her soul, where the forgotten sins of the past reside, she had much to do with the downward spiral of their souls. But the fog refused to lift, and Tau had recollections of them from more recent incarnations where they appeared as threatening strangers.
Although those remembrances sent adverse tremors through her, she took time to settle her spirit and rest into a serene meditative posture while she waited for the meeting with Eta and Mu. Drifting to her safe place, her angels and guides waited with her, and she rested in the arms of one of her guides. She continued to meditate on her future. It all seemed so far away. She wanted something… what was it… but the Creator’s desires took priority.
Eta and Mu approached. Their energies had not changed, and she recognized them by their smug cruelty and unsettled weaknesses. “Eta… Mu, I sense you have not progressed in your spiritual growth since the last time we met.”
“Tau, you will forever think you are the good soul… the Creator’s lap dog.” Mu tormented Tau.
Facing them she grew stern. “You are also servants of the Creator. How can you doubt that?”
“We have been told by Narakasura that there is another world for us. One where we can continue to serve Naraka.” Eta jumped in.
“Narakasura is the very expression of wickedness and deception who lost his soul eons ago. He is an empty darkness, void of sensations, sentiment, and affection. There is no redemption for him. His one aspiration is to trick souls on the edge of failure so that he might suck their spirits out of existence and into his own. These brief moments give him life before their divine light dies within him. Did Narakasura tell you that? You will no longer exist. You will die in his darkness if you don’t succeed in this incarnation.”
Eta’s spirit ruffled. “Narakasura is holding a special place in Naraka for us if we do his bidding. Naraka contains few souls, and we will have power.”
Tau grew angry. “He is lying to you. Naraka has few souls because Narakasura wants it that way. Wake up! Narakasura will not share his power.”
“How do you know all of this?” Eta seemed confused.
“You would know these things too if you had made it out of Naraka. As an advanced soul I am telling you this so you can make an informed choice.” Tau melded her spirit with just a bit of theirs. “Please, trust what I know. I am here. You are there. Your existence will end and all future efforts to perfect it will cease if you do not make better choices.”
Eta and Mu had one last chance to evolve towards goodness, and it was in this last incarnation. They had wasted the previous six because of their allegiance to Narakasura. Unlike Tau’s progression, they did not learn the lessons necessary to move up into a more advanced existence. They squandered multiple chances to change and even stooped to soul theft, but never succeeded.
Tau felt a tug at her spirit. The jealous existence of Mu was infiltrating her energy. Tau yanked Mu out. “Never do that again! I will end you before Narakasura has the chance!” She sensed a deep guilt inside her essence as she shot out those words and did not understand why. Tau’s divine light through instinct took control and converged with theirs and for an instant stroked the miserable black mist subjugating their souls. Its love jerked them to attention.
Mu gasped a breath of goodness while Eta shuddered in its wake. “What must we do, Tau?” Mu wept for he knew Tau’s truth was real.
“Tell us, Tau. I know that you are right.” Eta’s spirit quivered with new awakening.
“The Creator wants the end of organized religion on earth. Unworthy and deceptive souls have led others away from real love and faith. Our goal is to expose the manipulation of souls fostered by the existence of organized belief systems. It will be a challenge for you both as you must grow spiritually for a time in an environment that nurtures the very essence of your malevolence.”
“So there is still hope for us?” Eta’s spirit shuddered with regret.
“You must implant a firm desire to accept my guidance in this next lifetime. It has been decreed that the three of us have a strong connection this incarnation. Lord knows, it will test both you and me because Narakasura has blackened your souls, and it is up to your own free will to break from the past six lifetimes he has had control on you. Defiance of Narakasura is the only way to end his hold. It won’t be easy.”
“I fear Narakasura. He is violent and ruthless. There is no end of pain he can inflict on the frail human form; they are vulnerable forms of physicality, and mental fragility. Humans have gone insane due to his afflictions. I have been told he loves to torment and waits patiently for the defiance of his underlings.”
“All true, Mu. Waiting so long to address your spiritual evolution did not make this incarnation any easier. But it is possible for you to shatter ties with Narakasura and realign with the Creator.” She did not understand why, but Tau’s compassionate nature oozed responsibility for the two miserable spirits. The task ahead was daunting. “We must imbed a phrase within your core memory that will recoil your souls away from evil and push you onto your preordained path. This is the only help heaven has to offer you two. I suggest you do it.”
Eta laughed nervously. “You meant that? Conduct an implant? To do that we must be lightning struck before our births. Legend tells it as a vile process where an evil act repeated over and over from our past lives is replaced with a sort of trigger… like an embedded phrase or word.”
“Tau, can you do this?” Mu’s essence moved about anxiously, unquieted by the notion.
“Raziel!” Tau called out to the powerful archangel. Eta and Mu recoiled when hearing the archangel’s name. He was a force, and they were small in his presence.
“I’m here, Tau. Greetings to you Eta and Mu. Are you agreeable to the terms Tau has outlined for you?”
Eta looked at Mu, and they nodded in hesitant agreement. “What must we do?” Eta asked.
“Hold still and review!” Raziel coiled his energy and wasting no time, corralled all his angelic power and commanded, “Bring forth the insidious acts of the past. Let them be known to all the Universe!” Lightning zapped Eta and Mu.
The two lost souls were riveted in place by the powerful angel, compelled to view their past behaviors. Lain bare before them were the heinous deeds against fellow beings committed by them and which bound them to Naraka. The corruption was agonizing to watch. Acts of brutalization and premeditation were born of two psyches warped into existence through pain, lust, and self-interest.
In accordance with the ritual of the implant, a word must be spoken and declared at the exact moment of the final lightning strike. This word, spoken at the right time in their next incarnation, was designed to joggle the recall of the souls in question and redirect their course. Raziel had chosen it, and Tau was to speak it out loud at the most workable moment in this next life. He waited with patience while heaven churned and forgave the most brutal acts playing out before them. Energy whipped through its celestial atmosphere. The winds blew and wickedness growled. Mu and Eta screamed with remorse and reaching its inevitable apogee, a giant bolt of light struck the centers of two terrified souls. Raziel roared “Antistrofi opsi!”
The winds died down, and the heavens calmed. Eta and Mu vanished to a holding area where they would wait for their rebirth. Tau looked at Raziel and said, “Antistrofi opsi? Really? You couldn’t have come up with an easier word or phrase like ‘wiener schnitzel’ or ‘who let the dogs out’?”
Raziel scoffed. “Antistrofi opsi is noble. It is Greek for reversal. Honestly, child, who cares what the word is. It was an implant.”
“I care! I… care! I’m the one who has to incorporate the word into a sentence to provoke the change of heart. Now, I have to figure out how to use the phrase ‘antistrofi opsi’ in conversation.”
“It can be done. Stop fussing.”
“You do remember that this has been made more complicated because as a new human being, I will not recall this little ceremony where the phrase was implanted. You have made an already unlikely feat, impossible!” Tau chastised Raziel as he drifted back to his place in Area Seven unmoved.
Tau was irritated. Her drive to get to the final level of her incarnations not only meant final peace for her eternal existence, but the unification with her lost angel love who had been living without her since her fifth incarnation. Turiel was, at a point, one with her during prayer and meditation, but since her last misstep on the moon, he was denied access to her spiritual communications. They could not conjoin their consciousness until her elevation in status. Turiel was there and she was here. On top of that, she had developed a deep and enduring love for another in her last incarnation. It took her by surprise and instead of losing the memory of it, that profound love stayed with her adding to the confusion. It seemed this next incarnation was fraught with caveats to overcome… and Narakasura would not surrender Eta and Mu without a fight. Now, added to all of this there was “antistrofi opsi” to worry about. It was futile.